-When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50 None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want to change back.
-When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
-If Laura, Kate And Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate And Sarah
-If Mike, Dave And John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.
-A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap and a towel.
-The Average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
-A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
-A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but is on sale.
-A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
-A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
-A woman has the last word in any argument.
-Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
-A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
-A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
-A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
-A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
-Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
-Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
-A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
-A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
-A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
-A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.